Opening to unlimited possibilities

Writing openly (e.g., this blog) is one of the things that most scares me. I guess the main reason is that I tend to overthink about how my actions affect the outer world, and how people may receive that which I have to offer. So this is how I have hesitated about doing it for the last decade, just writing occasionally and with no clear direction. 

By making this small step and writing the first article, I am resuming a whole part of my life. I decided to let it be my presentation to you, a sincere “Hello world” where you can know why I’m here doing this and why this is so important to me. I hope you find it useful.

The darkness before the dawn

I always loved the mythological story of the Phoenix, the mysterious bird in flames who rises from the ashes. I like to think about humans in that way. The sooner or later, most of us find a fire that tears a part of our very identity, leaving an open wound to heal. 

Last year, in the context of a break-up with my (ex) partner, I realized there were many things I was not coping within life. Ranging from avoiding social intimacy to neglecting my professional career, I was leaving a trail of unresolved conflicts, all covered under an unstoppable craving for new and more intense stimuli. No need to mention it; this process was draining all of my energy. My dreams took a back seat, in a world where obligations and my most immediate desires were at the order of the day. 

Some times it is difficult to understand why some setbacks are hidden blessings for our development. Some times it is through sorrow, not happiness, that we find ourselves. 

The bright side of hitting your rock bottom

In the words of singer Alanis Morrisette, “life has a funny way” to put us back together when things seem to go all too bad. After smoking tons of joints, having uncountable sexual encounters and watching all of the Star-Trek seasons (yes, I’m a great fan), I was getting tired and depressed. 

At that time, I was living with one of my closest friends. I was eating his food and sleeping on his couch. He took care of me and walked me through the wordy corridors of my mind. He empowered me to grow bigger and stronger than ever. 

Once, my friend invited me to a Kirtan session in the city centre of Barcelona, a few meters away from  Arc de Triomf. For the ones who are unfamiliar with this ancient tradition, Kirtan is the practice of chanting sacred songs written in Sanskrit and with the company of other people. While you are reciting these songs, it is not rare to experience strong emotions and sensations, If you never tried it before I recommend you to give it a chance. 

During the session, the man leading it did a pause to start talking about what could give us some relief when life pushes us with its mysteries and unrevealed tests. He said it was not by forcing a particular outcome that we grow, but by allowing things to be and accepting them. He talked about Surrender.

Every day, a new blank page

I had had many esoteric experiences in my life by that time (I hope I will tell you about those in future posts), but the words of this man got so profound in my heart as any other insight from the subtle realms did. 

I realized that what was holding me back was the story I had created for myself about how life should look for me. Most of the things I was experiencing were filtered by the way I wanted them to be, not by accepting them as they were. 

And behind this, I found the reason why I had been neglecting my writing for so long. I secretly wanted not just to be a writer, but to be a very charming one. I wanted to be sure that my actions would lead to a total success, but in the depths of my soul, I knew there was no warranty on that. I wanted to communicate my heart and visions of life, but I was not surrendering to the process of becoming a writer. 

I believe the game changer was making an effort to acknowledging and adjusting my feelings about life from a bigger perspective. I used to feel regretful for the parts of my story that were unfulfilled. Then I did a switch to connect with the gratitude for the things that were in my life at first sight. Now my life seems more to an open journal. Every day is a blank page where I can express more of me. Every day is a possibility to know me better and integrate the numerous aspects of my being.

Only time will tell

So this is the story of how I have created this blog. I do not have a final version of what I want to make out of it. I do not have a clear path but the path of self-discovery. I am enthusiastic about sharing this with the world out there. 

For many years I have wondered why my choices seemed to be so erratic. I often doubted myself on my too-diverse adventures and projects. Now I came to believe that after all, every little experience was worth so for having this background, to have colours and brushes to illustrate the world which habitats inside me. And to invite you into it. 

Thanks.

Opening to unlimited possibilities – Hernán A. García